Arguing Allows You To Communicate Your Needs To Your Partner
Arguing does not have to be malicious or cruel — you can have loving and compassionate conflict. Anger is a natural emotion, and it alerts us, letting us know that something doesn't feel good for us, and that is good to let your partner know
Even if you don’t feel like talking to your partner about something that’s upsetting you, it’ll be worth it. “If you don’t talk it out, you’ll act it out. “When people don’t voice their concerns, the concerns leak out in other ways — they become more abrupt, dismissive, and rude. The solution is to talk it out in an honest, frank, and respectful way. Dialogue is the solution. Silence causes the problem to continue.”
When you and your significant argue, it may be about something that’s bothering them and you didn’t even know it. “Arguing — as long as it’s done without contempt, criticism, and defensiveness — can actually strengthen a romantic relationship,”. “It’s through resolving conflicts of interest (which every relationship has) that we learn about our partner’s motives. To reap this benefit, it’s important to try to remain impartial while arguing — research shows that taking a neutral, third-party perspective can help, i.e., think about what one of your mutual friends (who wants the best for both of you) would say about your argument. If you can do that, then you and your partner will learn more about each other and be able to find ways to compromise and resolve conflict that bolsters the relationship. Over time, having actually resolved conflicts of interest in this way gives you both a greater base of knowledge about each other, making future conflicts less frequent and less damaging to the relationship.”
You know how sometimes you and your partner may be arguing, but you’re not actually arguing about the issue at hand? However, the more you talk, the more you get to what’s really going on? “To discover what the fight is really about, you need to talk,” “For example: Why does your partner want ‘x’ done the way they do? How do they think it should be done? Once you find out the specific reasons behind your partner’s preferences, you’ll find out how to solve the problems you didn’t know were there. Is there a concrete reason — i.e., it’s more convenient this way, it saves money? — or is it just what they learned from Mom and Dad? Once you understand each other’s reasons, you'll have an easier time coming up with a solution.”
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